i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
