Pants 0. Shit 1.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
