absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
