i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
