Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
