Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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