Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think my vagina is haunted
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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