i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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