drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
