My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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