had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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