I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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