Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
