My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
