you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
