I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
