Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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