I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
