she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
