Pants 0. Shit 1.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
