I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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