If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
