I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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