yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
