she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
