Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
