You really coming over, don't trick.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize