I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Semen is not good for contacts.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
