i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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