So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize