im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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