My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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