He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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