Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
