Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
