she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
