Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
