I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
