how hairy? two words: wookie tits
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
