I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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