idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
