We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
