Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize