He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
