can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Rumble strips road head = magical
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
