Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
