your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
