so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
