Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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