omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
