you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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