My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
