C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
