Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
