He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
