Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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