2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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