I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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