we have pet lesbian snakes
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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