I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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