New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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