Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
