Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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