Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
