The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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