just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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